year of the funeral

tis true.

record attendance for me...
i once had a conversation with jessie about how our culture views death.
that was a good conversation.

speaking of good conversations...
for Izs birthday, i got him a calendar.
which is what he had expressed a great interest in...
after the party on a couch in the middle of the cold outside i approach him sitting, holding the calendar and his phone:
"what are you doing?"
.."programm-in-ing every single holiday into my phone's calendar alert box-ma-jjig"..."blurppbb"..."i don't want to miss one"
"mmmmmhhmm, wierdo"


i need better shoes,
WD-40,
and some hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows.
thanks for that record.



smoke is fire unless it rises from water.
diggin holes.

Currently listening : Whenever You See Fit By Modest Mouse & 764 Hero Release date: 2000-03-21

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yours

your death has stunned me.
and it's kind of unfair.
for you, absolutley.
i'm so sorry i was never able to express how much your pressence meant to me.
your story and how i could relate.
i was too stunted to even knock at my own door to face the wall that you saw was there.

oh god, i must regain my assertion.


this year has been less than wonderful.
the best friend i thought i had and his dsplacement of anger.
i realize everything even the things that seem unclear and what they are not.
but it just rots in my brain.
so many things i could have done.
it really aches me:
the loss of innocence is present when evil is shown.
stunted stunted.

i got options, i got plans.
i got potential and ability.
apparently my hands make up for my mind
they move and manipulate and create such pretty things.

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the lumberjack

the purpose of cutting trees is my enemy.
paper cuts.

he is stuck in sap
scraping his back against rough and rigorous bark.
a slow and steady comfortable tumble.
he shouldve collected before any green leaves appeared.

i am one of disconnectment

words are amazing.
people are amazing.
together, it all is just swiss cheese.
i've used this analogy before.
holes pressed together...
...an old mans sandwich,
forgotten.
left t'rot.

well, i'm off to spruce island!
saint herman of alaska, interesting fellow.

Currently listening : The Enlightened Family: A Collection Of Lost Songs By Various Artists Release date: 13 September, 2005

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laughing and crying

semicolons!

the end.

- - -

behold, the american artist!!!
the eternal maverick-
not only from society in the way of all creative minds
but within the orbit of his own body.

har har har.

- - -

things i want:
-the beach.
-a piercing.
-to be tattooed.
-pink hair back.
-my hair to grow so it can be that ridiculous stack'd bob i'm known for and now realize i feel naked without.
-my car!
-broccoli and cheese soup.
-to not have to go to defensive driving class tomorrow.
-a long bike ride accompanied with a long walk.
-for my room to clean itself.
-a camping trip in the cold.
- a trip to visit old friends.
-forgiveness.
-the complete box set of home movies.
-the powers of alex mack.

...dealing with change much?

i am finishing,tonite, the sweater i have been crocheting.
yesssssssss!
*fist pump*

i am also reading journal of a solitude for the 148u3ruihj843ty34th time.
i adore may sarton.

i think a visit to pretty lady is in order for this weekend.
i miss her.

Currently listening : Transmissions from the Satellite Heart By The Flaming Lips Release date: 22 June, 1993

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verbose !

i had a dream that all the whole world fit inside an old house.
this house was in gilbert, west virginia.
i once had driven through gilbert on an escapade that ended my body against the edge of the world amongst waves and foundered in sand.
i'd have stayed in gilbert for it was so pretty and small and beautiful and cozy.
but as i drove onward i opened my eyes wide, pausing briefly taking note with my eyes of the gentle looming mist over the green-dew'd trimmed road.
see, the road i was traveling on, headed north, was right between the mountain and the main street leading east for town. the street lights were glowing on as the sun was risin', that street faded into houses and buildings all created for just walking...
but this one house, mostly gray and brick,
appeared abandoned, defying gravity,
in my dream, this house was holding the worlds contents.
everyone was there,
mingling, drifting, moving so fast i cannot make out their faces.
i felt slow and moony.
i saw myself in the corner of a circular room
sittin in clover at a window whose pane was chipping white, pink and blue.
i was starring out the window.
i noticed no one else was takin notice of the empty earth outside.
the reverie of me was just starring out at vacant green green grass, not noticing the heedlessness of the speeding life that dwelt within the old gray-and-brick-gravity-defying house.

i meant what i said, when i said i would settle down.

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You miss her.
Current mood: nostalgic

courtney once wrote this
and she is amazingly true



you'll never know her like i know her.
hate yourself for that.
for not being her.
or me.
hate that you have nothing.
but your stupidity tells you it's everything.
hate that you repress yourself.
to be more tolerable.
hate that you repress yourself.
and live life, feel life,
half ass or not at all.
but you have everything.
your hair, your pants, your love for the arts.
fucking moron.
occupy yourself with nothing.
and settle for less.
less than you.
less than me.
less than holley ann k. kelly.
fuck your happiness.
it's not true.
and neither are you.

I love you Holley.
And I miss you.
Jealous bastards.

Currently listening : Sharpen Your Teeth By Ugly Casanova Release date: 21 May, 2002

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